Who is the maturest of them all?
by Empress of the Eclipse
Summary: Buffy accidentally unleashes a youth spell, with disturbing consequences for Spike...


Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Maturest Of Them All?  
By Starrysapphire.  
  
Disclaimer - all belongs to Joss Whedon except the plot which is all mine, thank you (although if Joss wants it, he is absolutly allowed it as long as I get an on screen credit!)  
  
Buffy threw the Coke can she was holding at Angel before dodging backwards.  
"That is so immature lover," Angel said, catching the Coke can and throwing it back.  
"Me immature? You probably still sleep with a teddy bear," she flashed back.  
"Nah, I sleep with a different beautiful girl every night," he said with a leer  
"That probably comes from having a lack of a mother figure," Buffy said "Maybe you should go and se a councillor."  
"I already did," Angel said "She tasted great."  
Buffy kicked him, sending him flying. Angel staggered up.  
"Child," he said sneeringly.  
"Baby," she replied.  
"It was nice talking to you," Angel said as he vanished into the night, leaving Buffy to glare after him.  
* * * * * *  
"And that's all? You just had a verbal disagreement over who was the more mature?" Willow asked.  
Buffy nodded.  
"Yeah. It's so weird. I haven't seen Angel for months and then it's to exchange insults and a couple of blows," she said as they walked into the library. Xander was already there, staring at a box.  
"Oh look," Buffy said dryly "It's one of Giles' fascinating old dusty boxes"  
"What is it?" Willow asked.  
"I don't know," Xander said "It was just here when I arrived. This particular symbol looks rather like two frolicking nymphs so I've been watching it for the past half hour."  
Buffy rolled her eyes as Willow leaned in and peered at the carvings.  
"These are fascinating," she said.  
"Frolicking nymphs," Xander said.  
"What's inside?" Willow asked.  
"Open it," Xander suggested "My weak and puny muscles can't handle that lid."  
Buffy prised it open easily..  
"A bottle," she said, taking it out. The bottle was a silvery green colour with something inscribed round it. She began pushing at the cork.  
Giles walked into the library with an armful of books. He stopped and stared at Buffy.  
"NO!" he shouted "Buffy don't!"  
Buffy looked up as the cork popped out. A cloud of green smoke billowed out, engulfing the Scooby Gang. Cordelia, who had walked in after Giles dodged back and avoided it. Some of it drifted out of the open window. Buffy coughed.  
"Ooops," she said, then stopped. her voice sounded wrong. Higher and younger.....  
The smoke cleared and Buffy looked around. Giles and Willow and Xander were gone. In their places were three ten year old children.   
Three ten year old children who were wearing the same clothes that her friends had bee wearing a few moments before....  
Buffy looked down at herself.  
"Oh noooo!" she wailed in her ten year old's voice.  
"Well done Buffy," Giles snapped.  
"Not as convincing as a ten year old," Xander said.  
"Is that you guys?" Cordelia asked.  
"Yes Cordelia," Giles said.  
"What happened?" Willow asked.  
"That bottle contained a youth curse," Giles explained "I was sent it by a friend for safe keeping. Only of course now you've opened the bottle..."  
"I'm sorry," Buffy muttered, trying to cover herself with the clothes which had fitted her perfectly when she was seventeen but fitted her appallingly now she was ten.  
"Cordelia, could you go and buy us some clothes that will fit?" Giles said, rummaging around and pulling out his wallet.  
"Sure," Cordelia said. She grabbed the wallet and left the library.  
"How do you reverse it?" Xander asked "Cause I don't want to have to start from ten again."  
"I don't know," Giles said "When Cordelia comes back with clothes, we can begin the research."  
"What about the other smoke?" Willow asked.  
"Other smoke?"  
"The smoke that floated out of the window. What will happen to that?" Willow asked.  
Giles frowned.  
"Some poor person will become a ten year old," he said.  
"That'll be hard to understand," Buffy said.  
* * * * * *  
Spike woke up to the sound of screaming. While this wasn't unknown in the factory, there was something different about this screaming. He sat up with a jerk, wondering why the bed seemed so much bigger. A little girl was standing in front of the mirror that Drusilla insisted on keeping for some reason. She was swamped in a long night-dress and screaming.  
"What the hell..." Spike began, then stopped "What the hell...." he began again.  
His voice sounded wrong. The little girl turned and stared at him.  
"Spike!" she wailed "Spike!"  
'How does some little brat know my name?' Spike thought. He swung his legs round and then stopped dead.  
"Oh no," he whispered "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"  
There were running footsteps and then another little kid ran in, wearing Angel's leather duster wrapped round him.  
"What the hell did you do?" he screamed "What the hell did you do?"   
"It wasn't me!" Spike hissed, scrambling out of the bed "And keep your voice down! Do you know what the minions will do if they find us?"  
Angel frowned.  
"We're not vampires anymore," he said, gesturing at the mirror where three ten year old reflections stared back.  
"My legs work," Spike said.  
"What are we going to do?" Drusilla sniffed, cuddling Miss Edith.  
Spike and Angel looked at each other. They both knew what they would have to do.  
"I can wrap Drusilla and me in my duster," Spike said.  
Angel scowled.  
"If I get my hands on the Slayer," he whispered "I'll rip out her guts and tie them in a knot round her neck!"  
"Now you're talking!" Spike said brightly.  
* * * * * *  
"I feel a real fool in this dress," Buffy complained, opening another book.  
"It looks sweet," Cordelia said.  
"It looks dumb," Buffy said,  
"I like these dungarees," Willow said.  
"What I don't understand," Giles said "Is why it was necessary to get designer gear when we are only wearing it for today?"  
"I thought you'd want to look good," Cordelia said.  
"Has anyone found anything?" Xander asked.  
"No," everyone chorused.  
"What if we never find a cure?" Buffy asked.  
"I don't know," Giles said.  
"We live from ten?" Xander suggested.  
"We'd be the cleverest in the classes," Willow said, her face brightening up.  
"What would we say to our parents?" Buffy asked "Oh hi Mom, sorry about this, I've become a ten year old again?"  
Before Giles could reply a voice rang though the library.  
"SLAYER!"  
Everyone turned and stared at the three figures who had just walked into the library. Two were little dark haired boys. One was a little dark haired girl, clutching a doll.  
"Angel?" Buffy said.  
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" Angel shouted.  
"What Angelus means," the other dark haired boy interjected "Is would you please help us get back to our real ages?"  
"You're Spike!" Xander said. He began to laugh.  
"Shut up," Spike said.  
"Wow, you were an adorable little kid!" Cordelia said "It's a shame you grew up to be a mass murdering bastard."  
Spike scowled.  
"And this must be Drusilla," Cordelia said.  
Drusilla looked at her.  
"Miss Edith doesn't like you" she announced "She hates all of you."  
"Since you're here," Giles said "Maybe you could help with the research?"  
"Not until I'm wearing decent clothes," Spike said "I'm not having the Slayer and her pals oogling me!"  
Giles sighed and handed Cordelia his wallet again. Cordelia turned to leave.  
"And no designer clothes!" Giles shouted at her retreating back.  
* * * * * *  
About three hours later, Angel, Spike and Drusilla were wearing clothes that fitted and they were no closer to finding any answers.  
"We've missed a chem test," Xander announced.  
"Good," Buffy said "I hadn't studied."  
"Bad," Willow said "Very bad!" She burst into tears. Everyone stared at her.  
"It's not that bad!" Xander said.  
"Not as bad as the idea of being a 241 year old in the body of a ten year old," Angel mumbled.  
"I know," Willow sobbed "I don't know why I'm crying!"  
"Oh dear," Giles sighed.  
"No!" Xander snapped "No 'Oh dears'. That leads to dreadful revelations!"  
"Our psyche is reverting back to ten year old stage," Giles explained.  
Everyone stared blankly at him.  
"Our minds are becoming ten years old again," he said wearily.  
There was another pause. Then Drusilla and Angel began to cry too.  
"Aw, great," Spike said "Angelus is weeping like a baby."  
"Am not!" Angel shouted.  
"Are too!" Spike yelled back.  
"Am not!"  
"Are too!"  
"And possibly younger," Giles sighed as Angel punched Spike on the nose. Spike hit him back and the two rolled around on the floor hitting each other.  
"Hey, hey!" Cordelia shouted "Stop it! No fighting!" She paused "Oh great. Now I'm turning into mummy!"  
"See Angel," Buffy said proudly "I am more mature than you. Nah nah n-nah nah nah nah n-nah nah!"  
"We have to solve this," Xander said.  
"What are your parents going to do when you don't come home?" Spike asked, rubbing his bloody nose and then wiping it on his shirt. Cordelia slapped his wrist and handed him a tissue.  
"Oh crap," Willow said though her tears.  
"My Mom's out for the week," Buffy said, still smirking slightly.  
"My parents probably won't even notice," Xander said bitterly, his lower lip beginning to quiver.  
"What am I going to say to mine?" Willow wailed.  
"No prob," Cordelia said "I'll say you're staying at my house!"  
Willow smiled in relief, her tears forgotten.  
"I wish my mum was here," Angel said.  
"So do I," Spike agreed.  
Both vampires dissolved into tears.  
* * * * * *  
"I feel funny," Buffy said about an hour later.  
"So do I," Willow agreed.  
"Me too," Xander said.  
Abruptly, the world swam before Buffy's eyes. She suddenly felt like she was falling....  
Then the world returned to normal.  
"Oh no!" Cordelia cried "You've all shrunk!"  
Buffy looked at herself.  
"I must be about seven!" she wailed.  
"This is beyond belief," Spike said gloomily.  
Drusilla whimpered pitifully.  
"We have to hurry," Giles said "Or we'll shrink to babies!"  
"But we've found nothing!" Willow said "There's nothing here!"  
"No don't start crying," Cordelia begged "Please...."  
Too late. Before Cordelia's eyes, everyone began crying.  
"Oh help me someone please," Cordelia whispered. She reached out and lifted Angel into her lap "Now don't cry. Please don't cry. It'll be okay....I can't believe I'm saying this to a 241 year old ex vampire!" she said, realising what she was doing "Snap out of it, all of you!"  
That made everyone cry harder.  
* * * * * *  
"Ah ha!" Giles said suddenly "Ah hah, ah hah hah!"  
It was sometime later; Cordelia had lost track of the hours. She had finally stopped everyone crying with promises of sweets and lots of cuddles. This good work had been depleted when Principal Snyder had marched in and demanded to know what all these children were doing in the library. Cordelia had told him the Mr Giles had asked her to looked after his nieces and nephews from England. Angel had promptly announced that he was Irish, thank you very much. Spike had instantly piped up and an English begger was better than an Irish king and the two had began fighting again. Cordelia had finally managed to get rid of Snyder not a moment too soon as then everyone had shrunk to five years old. Cordelia had a feeling that she was losing her mind.  
"Have you found something?" Buffy asked eagerly, standing on a chair and looking at Giles.  
"Please God let him have found something," Spike muttered. Cordelia nodded her agreement. The girls were sitting on one side of the room, the boys on the other because they wouldn't sit next to each other anymore. Spike kept pulling Buffy's pigtails (As soon as they'd shrunk to five, Buffy had refused to do anything until Cordelia had plaited her hair). As Cordelia watched, Spike leaned over and pulled Buffy's pigtails again.  
"Cordy," Buffy wailed "Spike keeps pulling my hair!"  
Cordelia groaned.  
"It means he likes you," she said.  
"EW!" Buffy and Spike both shouted at the same time.  
"He does!" Angel announced proudly "He told me. He told me that he wants to get hold of Buffy and do lots of rude things!" He giggled.  
"Giles!" Cordelia shrieked, losing her composure "Tell me you've found something!"  
"Yup!" the librarian giggled "But I'm not telling!"  
Cordelia gave a despairing moan.  
"Please Giles," she said "Please, please, please tell me!"  
"Nope!"  
"I'm never having children," Cordelia mumbled "What can I do to make you tell me?"  
"Guess!" Giles said.  
"Do we have to do a spell?" Cordelia asked.  
"Yes. You guessed," Giles said, his lip trembling.  
Cordelia lost patience and snatched the book away. Ignoring Giles' sobs, she examined the ritual.  
"Okay, we can buy this stuff at the magic shop," she said "Okay everyone. We're going for a walk."  
"YAY!" everyone cheered.  
"Now," Cordelia considered. She picked Drusilla up. "Now Giles, you hold my other hand okay? Buffy, hold Giles' hand, Spike, hold Buffy's hand, Angel, hold Spike's hand, Xander, hold Angel's hand, Willow, hold Xander's hand."  
"No," Willow said "Xander stole my Barbie."  
"I'm not holding his hand!" Angel said, pointing at Spike "He insulted the mother country."  
Cordelia noticed that since he'd shrunk, Angel's accent had gone considerably more Irish.  
"Okay," she said "Willow, hold Spike and Angel's hands and Angel, you hold Xander's hand."  
"I don't like Angel," Xander said.  
"I don't like Xander," Angel said.  
"Hold each others hands!" Cordelia yelled.  
The two boys sullenly took each other's hands and Cordelia led them out of the library.  
* * * * * *  
"Here we are," Cordelia said. She had fight with the door but eventually got it open. The woman looked up. She frowned at the sight of so many children in clothes that didn't fit.  
"Um, hi," Cordelia said "Um, this is kind of weird but..." She explained the situation, breaking off every now and then to stop the others picking things up or playing with anything. The woman smiled.  
"Oh dear," she said "You poor thing. All right. I'll even help you with the spell."  
"Thank God," Cordelia said "Angel! Put those lizard eyes down! This has been a total nightmare. I said put them down!"  
At that moment, the jar of lizard eyes smashed on the floor as the group shrank to one year olds.  
"Let's hurry," Cordelia said as Angel, Giles, Buffy and Willow all began crying. She rushed over to stop baby Angel cutting himself on the glass or swallowing any lizard eyes.   
They performed the spell together in the back rooms. The witch (who's name was Sylive) poured in the drops of oil (Cordelia didn't even want to know what was in the oil but it smelt foul) and they chanted.  
'By the powers of earth and sun,  
May the spirits of ageing come,  
Obey the words upon this page,  
Restore these beings to rightful age,  
By these words that we have spoken,  
May this harmful spell be broken,  
Powers of magic, gather in me,  
And as I will, so mote it be!'  
There was a whoosh that whipped everyone's hair around and a choking blue cloud appeared. For a second, it lingered, then it slowly began to clear away.  
Buffy blinked. She felt cold and everything was slightly odd. She sat up and found herself stared at Angel. For some reason she was sure that she was one up on him and she smirked.  
'Why am I one up on him?' she wondered puzzledly. She suddenly noticed that Angel was completely naked. Come to think of it, so was almost everyone else in the room.  
Come to think of it, so was she!  
Buffy yelped and tried to cover herself. Angel and the others all did the same thing.  
"Are you lot normal now?" Cordelia asked.  
"I'll never live this down," Spike grumbled. Buffy noticed that his legs were all floppy and he was obviously in pain "May I say Slayer, that those cute pigtails make me want to heave."  
Buffy groaned as all her memory returned. She wanted to rip the pigtails out but that would mean uncovering herself.  
"Miss Edith hates this place!" Drusilla wailed, cuddling her doll. She has made no effort to cover herself at all.  
"Cordelia...." Giles began.  
"I can lend you some clothes," Sylive said. She hurried out. Buffy wasn't sure but she was positive that as soon as the witch left the room, she burst into hysterical laughter.  
"This is awful," Xander muttered "This is a terrible nightmare!"  
Spike was really hoping that Buffy would think that Angel had made up the thing about Spike claiming to want to kiss Buffy. Buffy wasn't even thinking of that. She was too busy blushing and privately decided never to open anything that didn't concern her ever again. Sylive came back in with a pile of clothes.  
"I haven't really got anything suitable for the boys except some pants," she said apologetically "And I have to do an enlarging spell on those."  
She muttered the words and handed the clothes out. Buffy wriggled into the dress she was given and stood up, glaring at Angel. Angel scooped Spike up. Spike gave a gulp of pain.  
"Come on Dru," he snapped "We are going!" He glared at Buffy "If you ever breathe a word of this to anyone or anything Slayer...."  
"You aren't so scary now I've seen you crying for your mummy," Buffy said icily "Oh and Angel? I think we've answered the question of who is the more mature."  
Angel snarled and ran, Drusilla following.  
"I have never been so embarrassed," Willow said.  
"That was awful," Cordelia said "You lot were all horrible monsters! Buffy, if you ever even touch another strange bottle, I will kill you!" She shrugged "Angel was adorable as a baby though."  
"Yeah," Xander said "Not that I really noticed or even care."  
Buffy sighed and pulled the pigtails out.  
"How have we decided who's the more mature?" Willow asked.  
"We haven't," Buffy said "But Angel's so embarrassed by this whole thing that he'll never what to bring up the argument ever again," Buffy said with a grin. She tried to ignore the nagging feeling that she'd forgotten something....  
* * * * * *  
In the factory, Angel was snarling and kicking things over. Spike was watching from his wheelchair.  
"That bitch!" Angel yelled "If I ever get hold of her...."  
Spike smirked slightly. While it had been terrible embarrassing, things weren't as bad as they could be. Angel was angry and embarrassed and Spike's legs felt much better. Plus, Drusilla and Angel weren't on the best of terms. Drusilla blamed Angel for the dreadful humiliation she and Miss Edith had suffered.  
On the other hand, the Slayer now knew that he liked her. And that was not good. Still, maybe she wouldn't remember....  
* * * * * *  
As Buffy opened her front door, day-dreaming about a nice hot bath, followed by a good video and lots of chocolate, Angel's child voice drifted back to her.  
"Oh my God," she said aloud.  
The End. 


End file.
